Sunday, March 30, 2008
phon-ed with mummy,
wanted ask her if comfirm going ms.
in the end,
she kinda had a deeptalk with me.
maybe shes right,
i am rebellious,much of nth she can do now.
i enjoy to be with them,
not that i dont with cm.
i guess i have a stronger bond with them,
becuase i spend more time.
maybe you were right,
studystudy still fail.
said many things on the phone,
some reasons,tears just filled my eyes.
and i cri-ed.
but i really liektreasure love beign spending time with them,
i t always fille dwith laughter,
maybe i cna understand why you dont like me hanging out with them,
i've really chang-ed alot.
even i dont recognise myself
looking back at those old photos,
reminded of the old me.
which was so much better.
looking back at the mirror,
realised what a monster i had become.
i've many regrets,
utmost esp to the one who sacrifice himself for me.
guilt is what i felt.
hes the one person,
that at least i know will alwyas be by my side.
yet the one i neglected and drift away the most.
the way mummy said it,
was heart-breaking fo rher to see me become like this,
what more him,
i cri-ed,feeling really bad.
either way,
i'd be the bad guy to either sides.
i seem to be have lost my purpose here,
forgotten what i was here for,
persuing empty things.
i care about daddy being saved also,
i really do.
people have no right to judge,
nor do i have any.
i guess its time for change again.
for the better this time.
though you seem to always nag,
but thnkas for caring.
i guess i need time alone,
reflect,i am utmost sorry.
etiher way to both sides,i'd be sorry.
drifted so much form daddy,
that he dont work.
also dont know.
neglected everyone becos of selfisheness
how selflish can i get
maybe i shld'nt have done that,
false hopes am i giving,
ppl reading this,
might think i'm such a shityshit.
i admit i am,
i dont know,
caught in between,sad.
being afraid to see ppl see me with you
is so i dont know how to say
i really need someone i can pour my sorrows to,
everything cooped inside,
i feel horrible everytime,
all i can do i just cry.
alone,seemed that noone understands?
i dont emo,its just..
when ppl say you can count on them,
not saying they make empty promises or what,
but its almost impossilbe,
if pur everything out,
you will think the person is so unreasonable and weird,
the biggest problem is TRUST
i neglected you,
i dont even think i am worthy to be called your child.
both daddys,heaven and earth i neglected.
both with the same broken heart,
i am sorry,
from now on,i will change for better,
no compromises,
one life,one purpose,one goal,one way,one love.
i think i'm hurting ppl right now,
sorry,
but i am really confused.
maybe all of you think i am ununderstandable.
i need time to sort out,
i will soon,fron now on.
i will be a changed person.
i iwll try my very best
say so much "I AM FINE"
that i dont even know the meaning of it anymore
just custom to answer ppl back,
when you dont kow how to say,
or jsut want them to stop asking and worry.
becuase you feel they wont udnerstand,
true enoguh,they dont.
good counselor to others,not to yourself,
(10:45 AM)