Wednesday, May 14, 2008
i miss tags at my blog,
but i guess i have to keep it private.
everyday,when i go home myself.
on the bus with my music.
i reflect on my life
i feel like such a bitch,my stupid attitude.
idk why.
play-ed ball,was nice.
spent lessosn tod throwing erasers,zihighing
but my results are really..
but God,i still thank you.
i want cry all day long.
came home,
stand at door,never brign key.
doorbell spoil,brother ock door in room watch tv.
i knock so much,
till my knuckles hurt.
the feeling of calling out to you,
yet no one voems to open door for you.
is so horrible.
idk why,i jsut want cry.
stand otuside and jsut felt like crying.
finally broother open door,
first thing,was to scodl me for not bringing.
if i remembered,i wouldnt ask you right?
whats wrong with you people?
domdom asked me for permission
if elvin could play soccerball,
i said none of my business.
i know thats jsut beign such a cruelbitch,
but i know i have to do that,
i must treat him mean and make him hate me.
i can tmake him love me more.
it will hurt him so much more.
i feel so upsetconfused.
i broguht so mcuh hurt unpleasant things to ppl.
everythnig's on the surface.
ppl have so much troubles,
it'd take a miracle for them to open up
i'm beginning to hate school,everything.
why can everyone be so faithfulholy,
i cant,whywhywhywhy
why can they walk so right.
amanda told me terry sort of scolded her.
for beign exclusive,
she and jiaying always togetehr,leaving me out.
i felt bad,
but it's not my fault.
she asked me why i nvr reply her for the sleepover thingy.
like no offence,
hello?i go so extra go for what.
might was well stay at home and sleep right?
yes,i feel left otu smtimes.
i wish to be alone now all the time,ppl say i emo.i not.
i go out,yes i act like bitch.
but i not an ahlian.
go everywhere,church ppl always i ahlian.
i not,maybe i nto holy enough.
or i even not.sorry.
yesterday,was halfasleep.
mummy called me.
i heard,dotn want listen.
jsut clsoe my eyes,refused to open.
even when she on the lights.
i dont want do anything,hear any scoldigns.
i jsu twant run away.
so in the end,she left my room.
after seeing my refusal to get up.
sorry,yeah.
i feel so upset.how i live my life now?
watch comedies,zihigh with friends.
so i can forget everything,and be happy.
when alone,i think.
end of day,end of joy.
new routine.
sorrye veryone,for my bhaviour.
i feel so stressed.
i jsut wan tcry.sorry for selfpity.
i cant help it.you can hate me,i dont mind.serious.
dearestblog,my oneonly confidante.
i cant trust anyoen enoguh to tell them how i feel.
i dont want spoil their mood.
i dont want emo.
maybe just you and me,will be enough.
i appreciate when ppl offer to take bus wit hme,
sorry vivien or merri,
always try to reject you all.
i jsu twan taloen time.
mummy,can you stop forcing me to read.
i cant take it.
i hate this and everything
(6:51 PM)