Sunday, May 25, 2008
okay hello!
its another time to crap
well,i have laods of time to think.
walking,busing
tod talking to sel,el about ____.
well,its nobody's fault:]
everybody adores the feeling of being loved,
having many many friends,
which they can confide in.
perhaps,
if everyone lives with the mentality
that someone you dislike
is livign their last day tod.
they wouldnt be disliking anyone.
this world's jsut odd,
ppl only realise the importance of their lovedones,
when they are leaving them.
ppl often are only seen on the surface.
but deep down,
all is yet to be revealed.
everyone have their good and bad points.
there wouldnt be one earthling here
who doesnt have nay good points.
if you said that,
you'd either be blinded
or just you've yet to discover them.
ppl often can affected by opinions of their friends,
usually if one grp of ppl,
didnt like the person.
you as neutral,
would gradually learn that you are going to hate him too.
imaging the blood shed that is in my hands,
a tingse of guilt just fills me
i feel so hopless.
from now on,
its time for a fresh start,
i will try:]
stop judging ppl,
becos i wouldnt want ppl to do that to me either.
its only up to God to judge anyone.
i've seemed life so mcuh differently now.
like eg;
today was busing,lsitening music
thinking there was this longhaired woman.
she didnt lookathat well.
sudd,she screamed shout talked to ehrself.
i was so afraid.
before you know,
you'd be calling the person SIAO!
but why not sympathise with them,
instead of making remarks.
why not take a step into their shoes,
do yo uthink they want it?
likewise,
nobody wants to be all lonely,friendless,emo.
i beleive if they had a chance they wouldnt want.
maybe you say you can deal with it.
but would you be happy?
who doesnt want to be happy?
i guess we jsut have to take a step into ppl's shoes,
feel how they feel,
tnh you will prob change your perspectives.
for 15 years of my life,
i nvr realsied it.
whenever i'm feeling down,upset.
often sink into selfpity and isolation.
end up blaming ppl
for not being there for me.
adn precisely beocs i was too selfcentred.
and overpitying myself.
i failed to notice ppl who cared.
trust me,
there are ,but not many.
you jsut ahve to open your eyes.
and slowly you will know.
when they disappear,
the emptiness in your life.
instead of looking desperately
for the perfect jigsaw piece to
complete your 'perfect' life.
why not,
Be the jigsaw piece that fits into someone else?
often its jsut the way you look at it,
do you know
every smile you give,
grants you a reward in heaven?
beginning to start to want to change.
i want to change so much.
so much things,
have happened.
after these 15 years.
i've realsied hwo imperfect i was.
mummy say i odd.
the 10 years i in church,
i one goodfriend also dont have.
very true luh.
i dont have anyone i can confide in at all.
she ask always
so clsoe to your sch friends.
well,i told her now not liao.
with a kinda sad tone.
so she changed the topic.
she also asked i thot
last time you always go out with them one?
i felt sad luh,
well,one thing i've learnt,
nothing is forever,
friendships dont last at all.
anyway i've promised myself,
from now on,
no matter what happens.
when i fall,zi ji stand up.
will spend my lfie smiling always.
life is super short,
normla perosn would only live up to 80
some die earlier,
while some just live on borrowed time.
so what for?
cry,emo,sad,angry,pissed.
it doesnt help at all,
it jsut makes you feel worst.
so jsut be happy,jubilant.
look on the bright side of life.
at least you'd died happy.
what for judge ppl,
find faults in ppl
this week,seen so many ppl.
realise like small pieces of me,
hence,i got to look at myself
in my own eyes.
i realise how.. i was.
its not too late to change and begin again.
love yourself,everyone.
your life would be so much better.
evne though,
mummy nags,scolds,
makes me feel like
the worst shit smtimes
she is also perosn,
tht made me realise manymany things.
becaus eof my antisocial.
i lost so many friends.
i fail to spend time with them.
and____.
i'm sorry if its my fault
tht you kinda had prob with your bestfriend.
i'm sorry.
i'm not trying to do anything.
jsut trying to tell you now,
you have manymany ppl that care for you.
you are never alone.
i just hope you will realsie
it before its too late.
you nvr know,
oneday one of them gets into an accident.
it'd be too little too late to regret.
i'm not implying anything,
i jsut would like you to
live a unregretful life.
dont be like me.
cherish them,before they are gone.
dont wait till they are leaving,or are gone.
thn you realise.
often,
ppl only show their true feelings,
when the ppl they loved are leaving.
they realsie how much the ppl
had cared for them,
at that point,
thn they start to regret and cry
maybe you dont want get close
becos you feel you dont deserved it.
becos you cant be there for the person.
but what matters is the thought.
if you want to,
you can:]
trust me,i've experienced it.
esp when your sueprgoodfriends.
made you feel so left out
if you dont have anyone,
you can find the 3 of us.
you'd be so glad to have you with us.
going together,
hanging together.
you'd never be left out,i promise.
it will be fun:]
stay happy,you're a nice friend.
i love you:]
well,i think i've to stop crapping now.
lssosn learnt are just
so valuable:]
starting to try love my mummy more
when she nags,
or insutls me till i feel like crying.
i will put a smile.
becos looking in another way,
she just wishes me to be the best.
living very well now,
so fortunate,
while the ppl in sichuan/mynamar
are suffering so much
the greatest pain of all.
the pain of losing your lovedones.
i've experienced before.
i can just cry all day,
with everypost,
i know i've touched myself.
ps. selwin,i miss you
(6:51 PM)