Tuesday, August 19, 2008
i freaking cried just now.
becos i couldnt find
my keys.
i got locked in my hse.
i searched high&low.
and cant find
so i cried like mad,
and throw my tantrums.
call-ed papamama.
aft tht,7.30.
told mama i dont want go sch.
surprisingly,
she allowed.
for soem reasons,
i was crying like mad
papa came home,
thn pass me his keys.
so i'm chionging my cl letter now.
and visit to doctor later.
or perhaps i had been
too possesive.
but do you ever know,
i always feel damn fake
infront of you all.
becos i cant or dont dare to
express my feeligns out.
you willl just prob find me
extra/irritating.
and i didnt attitude you,
i was jsut sick in the morning.
i didnt even do anything.
you say i attitude you.
maybe i know i suck.
becos i make use of my friends.
yeah,i suck.
that i am pretty aware of.
at least not till yest.
and hello also,
i dont get upset
just becos shes closer to you all.
i just wanna say:
"when you're not left out,
you'll always think thats how other ppl feels too"
and i've alrdy told elvin before.
i'll nvr beg anyone
to go out with me.(ever)
i know she feels very tornapart,
i alrdy stop liao.
i'd nvr forced her ever again.
i dont put the blame on myself.
to look pathetic.
but it all jsut seems my fault.
so well,fine.
i resigned to fate.
i dont like to fight or just stay there/
i'm someoen who gives up easily.
and in whatever way,
i'll still be the loser
do you think you yourself
use words properly seriously.
and i alrdy cut down on alot liao
at least now.
sometimes,
i tell myself
maybe its better this way.
since i dont have time for them,
i might as well
keep things this way.
at least we wont say we drift.
and sorry elvin,
if i made you feel i'm taking advantage of you.
jsut know it nvr came across my mind
if i made you feel
i'm using you.
sorry thn,
i'll nvr ever again.
no matter how real the reality is,
still,its saddening & harsh
to hear smth like tht.
come from you
but thankyou anyway.
for letting me know how irritated.
fustrated i made ppl feel.
i'm a selfish person.
even if we go back,
things will never be the same anymore.
(9:42 AM)