Tuesday, September 2, 2008

i reallyreally dontknow
what to say of you anymore.
do you know how hurt she is?
from young till now,
who take care of our
medical expenses?
whats the use of crying over
things that already happened?
got use?
you cry not because
you feel sad that you hurt them.
but because you afraid people
will scold/beat you.
why so selfish?
i admit i am but i trying hard to change.
but idk if its even right.
Do you know because of you,
all these things happened?
i know its seem so unfair.
but its true.
you know shes sick,
any heavy blows can
cause her heart to faint.
yet,you keep giving all these stuffs.
wake up please,
stop living in your own world.
you know how scary they go,
when they quarrel.
everything just comes out.
you never once think of
consequences.
only expect people to help
you clear the mess.
you must learn to be independent.
we cannot always be there for you.
just becuase you cry.
so what.
the world will not pity you.
so must learn to be strong,
people whos eem strogner are often labeleld
as criminals.
why so selfish.
all you people think is their stupid faults.
the pain/agony they caused you.
they scold you.
whatever they are wrong.
have you even tried stepping
in he rshoes.
the fact is she cares for you(alot)
but in the end,
she gets all the blame.
seriously,just becos she scold
she dontwant you go astray.
she get blamed.
you know hwo super hurtful it is?
no,becos you were
always the royalty.
its obvious they treat you nicer
than they did to me.
you dont appreciate.
you even grieve them more.
why are you trying to
break up my family.
whywhy.tell me.
sooner or later,
if it continues.
they will just leave.
and by that time
i will never ever forgive you.
whats a family without
a father/mother.
fily/mily?
why have you become so heartless.
why must learn from me.
if these things that happen
last year till now,
i was the one who did it.
i would have died of beating.
do you not realise
how well they treat you?
when they rant at each other,
you jsut stand there/cry.
i see,i listen in my room.
you think i dont get upset?
you think you
the only one who is hurt?
onyl scoldings,you deserved it.
you know how many times
yuo broke their hearts?
yeah,they dont say.
they even treat you better.
you dont know ppl will
worry for you.
you just do whatever
your shittydogidiotic friends
ask you do.
dont you have your own mind?
they ask you do what,
you do.
you dont know we will worry.
jsu tleave,without taking phone.
come home as you please.
how contact you?
how old are you,you can teven take gd care.
of yourself.
i ask you stuffs,
you rant at me.
say its not my business
at the rate things are crashing,
we will break apart.
do you even know/care
to understand?
how ppl want to do you good?
you dont appreciate.
jsut becos we dont show
doesn tmean we dont care.
she gets the blame.
becuase she cared and want see you happy.
how fair!
jsut becos noone understands
her methods
shes gets blacklisted/blamed.
they quarrel,for now
she hates him.
you happy?
why must drag me in?
you want "spice" up your life?
i dont,all i want is family.
you like lying,dont you.
i alrdy knew,you lying.
i even asked you thrice.
you denied.
we can save you twice/thrice
but not always.
this world is harsh/cruel.
you dont feel guilty.
even if you did awhile.
you smack us with even
mor ehorrible stuffs.
i also have my problems you know?
i have my damn problems.
people dont understand
what i doing/feel.
i'm the badguy.
blast those damn vulgars at me.
some hate me for reasosn i dontevenknow.
i didn try seem pathetic.
cos i hate to even feel pathetic.
yeah,i in the wrong.
idk luh.
i like it uh?
i try not to think,be happy
thn you give me problems.
at times,i really want tell you.
but you dont even seem to care about me.
even if they make up,
dont you know the scar remains?
when things happen again,
past gets racked up.
and the scar just deepeneds.
is tand inside my room,
i cry because i feel so upset.
liek what she say.
is this even a family?
seeing own members hurt each
other,
everyone gets hurt in some way.
l alrdy feel so damn horrible.
why must you do this?
why always seem like her fault?
jsut beocs you seem weaker.
she doesn even want your sympathy.
jsut your freaking love/care.
you think she at work nvr suffer?
why is it always about you?
you cause the fights/sadnes.
you do well,
they really happy.
but why msut disappoint them time&time
you nto dumb,
we all think well of you.
thn you think our hearts plastic.
keep taking knife and pierce.
funfair uh?
we all love you,
you spent themost time with me.
i spent my childhood with you.
i do things which i feel
is best/safe for you.
you scoldme
and get so pissed off at me.
why must i show all your qi?
i cared for you,
you got care for me?
when i'm down,
i reall wish for you to know/be there.
cos we're living together.
its jsut driving to be
a icy/heartless person.
at least,it feels less painful.
and whne i change,
hate me like mad,say i change.
dont care you
i know you also lonely,
now i go hoem early.
so i cna spend time with you.
at leats pei you,
so you not alone.
and do silly weird stuffs.
why didnt you eve rsee my effort?
i give time,
i did gave up things for you,
did you?
i try my best to care for you,
show love.
cos i hope you'll be moved/change.
i hate seeing you hurt them,
or hurt yourself.
becuase it makes me cry
and my heart aches.
i love allof you damn alot.
becos i spent my growing years with you all.

i dont tell anyone about you.
i keep in m yheart.
becos i wouldnt want my sister
doing it also.
now the living room just lifeless/quiet.
and its not the first time.
but cant it just be the last time?
please.
i really dk what to do
how to handle.
just know that,
i love/miss you all alot,family.

i'll be fine
cos tml gona be a better day

(7:43 PM)