Wednesday, September 3, 2008
right now,
i have no idea on what to do.
there's tml
bday celebbration for terry.
idk what to buy also.
i really hope things will go
back to how we were.
i hate the coldness/hatred
between you all.
i know deep in your heart,
you love us alot.
but you just forcing yourself.
i also really dk what to do.
i see him,
he seem so remorseful.
but thats always what happen.
but things repeat.
and you just get even more upset.
idk,i'm not him.
i dont want to be dragged in.
but how not to.
i'm part of you all.
i also sicktired of all these things.
i'm also affected.
not only you all.
hearing/seeing what you all do.
is enough to make
me cry a fountain.
i think we are very cool,
we laugh alot together.
we suan each other.
nag at eachother.
but when things turns sour.
its the scariest,i ever seen.
everyone so hot-tempered.
alittle thing only,
blow our top.
i'm sorry i shout at you.
when you alrdy felt upset.
but i was also.
hes my brother also.
i wonder to myself.
what will happen when he goes ss.
the thought of it
already scares me so much.
i hate feeling pathetic/worried.
and knowing i cant do any shit about it.
cant we just go back?
where we celebrated bdays at airports.
so happily.
take pictures.
when we were all young.
and smiles were the only thing
that werecarried on our faces.
where we were just innocent.
at least let daddy have a good happy bday,
i dont mind if i have a sucky one.
i dont expect much either.
but just let him have a hppy one?
please God,i beg you.
if anyone that deserve.
its him,work so hard.
and dote on me so much.
speaking of that,
i miss the times i spend time with you all.
times when i was little.
and cuddle you.
times when i played video games with you.
when i feel scared.
run to your room and sleep.
things just changes damn fast.
please go back.
or was i the one who change?
seeing you slam the phone.
to the groundi just so afraid.idk,i know you pissedno matter if it was becos of me/him.i hate it when you all fight.becos i jsut feel guilty
(9:11 AM)